A Moments Insanity
by Archosy
Summary: I'm Draco Malfoy, and I'm hiding from my highly insane wife at the moment under our table. Right now you're probably wondering what I'm thinking. Well, I'll tell you. Right now I'm thinking maybe the closet would have been better...


**Author's Note:** Hope you enjoy this! I read DH and was totally inspired. Though, this is pre-DH. Please review and tell me what you think! )

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing.

**Dedication: **This is dedicated to Stephy ( **SilverQuill92** ), who without, this story probably would have been written for another few months.

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Ow, bloody corner. I rubbed my elbow where I had rammed it into the sharp edge. Honestly, do people sharpen these things? Someone might actually get stabbed one day!

Oh, I see that I've caught your attention. Well of course, I catch everyone's attention. Wait! Don't go, come back! You have to warn me whenever she's coming! Okay, how about while you wait I tell you a story? Yes, I thought that might do the trick.

Do you want to hear a story about adventure, war, romance, magical beings and whatnot? Of course you do. Unfortunately, I'm fresh out of those. If you want those, go to Potter or Weasley, I'm sure they've got loads of that to tell you. I didn't mean it! Stay here and listen to my story, it's loads better! Just sit your arse down and I'll tell you.

My story, is a different one. Different right now anyways, unless you go and knock on some other poor bloke's house whose wife happens to be bonkers and preggers at the same time. I'm Draco Malfoy, and I'm hiding from my highly insane wife at the moment under our table. Right now you're probably wondering what I'm thinking. Well, I'll tell you. Right now I'm thinking maybe the closet would have been better...

It is the obvious choice you'd think, but the table was the first thing that had come to mind at the time. She was rounding on me. For a very pregnant woman who's about to pop, she sure can run fast. No, it's not everyday you find a proud pureblood such as myself cowering under their coffee table from their pregnant wife. Usually they would be providing the wife with whatever she needed.

Let me tell you this fact that sets my story apart. Everyday proud purebloods don't have Hermione Granger having the role of the heavily pregnant wife. I know what you're thinking, Draco Malfoy marrying the Gryffindor prude. Sorry, how we fell in love is not my story to tell you right now. That's another one entirely; maybe we'll discuss it one day in the future over tea. If I live that long.

Why didn't I do the providing you say? Simple, I tried that for a bit, but every time I did, she would yell at me for doing something wrong. And when she got mad, bloody hell was she mad. Last week she broke our antique vase in another one of her mood swings. Her hormones were cranked up to the highest notch possible. That vase barely missed my head, I'm lucky to be alive so she has a husband for Merlin's sake! Honestly, I didn't think she'd get that upset when I spoke about the house elves cleaning up the house. It's what they're for, after all.

Books were all she read in the beginning of the pregnancy, and I admit, I read them with her, too. I had to know what to expect as well, so I didn't really mind just sitting with her in bed reading them. Especially when I read about her hormonal months, I was especially excited. Those hormonal months came differently than expected. Her moods changed like Nymphadora Tonks's hair style.

Oh, I'm babbling. You wanted the story, yes. I was trying to give you some background so you could understand! Fine, fine. I'll go ahead and tell you. Just stay sit down, and I'll tell you how I got in this little predicament. You see, all was well and good. It was actually one of Hermione's better days to be honest. I had just gotten in from my job at the Ministry to find her out in the garden reading another book. It wasn't my fault I said she was getting big nowadays, it was the truth. And I meant it as a compliment, honest!

What do you mean it wasn't a compliment? She's carrying a person inside of her; she looks good for being such a basketball! I told her that! Then she went all mental on my and chucked the book at my head. See, that's where I got this cut on my forehead. Anyways - oh no, you were supposed to tell me when she was coming! You'll get it if I live through this! Now I know why you never became a watch guard, that's for sure. Ah, I guess my story was just that entertaining.

I slapped myself mentally, getting my thought back to the fact that I was about to be killed by my wife. Oh gosh, she was getting closer, and what was this? I was stuck under the bloody table! I can't even defend myself, well help me out you idiot! Yes, erm..thank you. But now she was too close, and the only place I could go was the wall behind me. I highly doubted that I could run through that, and the prospect of apparition hadn't even come to me.

Before I did, I noticed something. Her face was no longer contorted in anger, but it was something else. Pain? My eyes widened, as I realized that she was holding one hand around her round stomach. She gasped, "Draco - the baby - it's coming" I wanted to faint, but I don't really think Hermione could get to the hospital by herself.

A million things were running through my mind right now. One of them, blaming you for having me tell you that ruddy story while my wife went into labour. Quickly, I wrote on some parchment and sent both a letter to Potter and the Weasleys', telling them of what was happening, and to be at St. Mungo's immediately. I ran upstairs, got all our necessities, and everything we needed within a few minutes. With a _POP!_ I arrived at St. Mungo's.

Wow, word travels fast, I noted. Ginny, Potter, and Weasleys' were already there waiting for our arrival. They told me the other remaining Weasleys' were on their way, and that Tonks and Lupin were taking care of their children. Honestly, I had no idea how Potter managed Ginny with all her hormones throughout her long pregnancies for their children. I'm actually surprised she didn't just go on and bite Potter's head off.

Yes, you have realized that I'm calling her Ginny. Well, once you get to know the girl...she isn't a terribly bad person to be friends with. Potter and Weasley and I were on good terms, with the occasional insult to each other. Though, it just didn't feel right to call them by their first names. Weasley brought me out of my thoughts by saying something. "Um...Malfoy? Where's Hermione?"

Shit. Double shit. I forgot her! My eyes widened to the size of saucers before I quickly apparated back to the house to meet a very angry Hermione. "You IDIOT!" She yelled at me. Apologies stumbled out my mouth before I had her side-along apparate with me, knowing full well that she couldn't do it on her own right now. A few other obscenities rambled out of her mouth towards me that I am not allowed to repeat.

Ginny and Potter were laughing as we went back towards the delivery room, they were laughing! This is a serious matter! We're having a baby! Oh gosh, my knees gave out. Lucky enough, a chair was quickly conjured so it could break my fall. Those words hit me like a brick. A baby, the whole thing was so real now. From now on, I was going to be responsible for another person's life.

Wait...what if it was a girl like Hermione said? No, I shook my head, laughing at the idea. Hermione gave me a strange look. It just had to be a boy...But what if it was a girl? Oh god, that would be twice the amount of estrogen. Dizzyness hit me, but I had to shake it off as Hermione yelled at me to get where she was. I scrambled to my feet and walked to her bed. Her legs were pinned open in the air as the doctor examined her.

She said that Hermione was ready to push. A death grip was on my hand now, and I felt the bones breaking. I let out a whimper of pain. Hermione held her strain for ten seconds as the doctor told her to, and let out a deep breath. "You are NEVER touching me again!" She screamed, was this woman _trying_ to kill me? Another contraction came, along with another broken finger. Apparently, this baby was ready to get out.

"Miss Malfoy, it's coming. I see the head."

"She sees the head!" Hermione repeated joyfully. I bit back my retort; I was not going to ruin her sudden good mood. "Are you ready?" The healer asked Hermione. Hermione beamed back at her with a look of anticipation across her face.

I wiped a small bead of sweat off her face. "Ready Freddy." My head snapped towards her. "Hermione, the healer's name is _Montayo_." I repeated the name slowly at her, questioning her current sanity. She glared.

"I know what the bloody name is! It's a phrase - Argh!" She gripped harder than ever as another contraction came. An unmistakable cry of a baby entered the room, my heart lifted, as well as the pressure on my hand. Hermione lay beside me, sobbing as she tried to look to see the baby. Quickly, the healer went ahead and mended my broken fingers(for which Hermione apologized for) and left us alone. The healers quickly cleaned up and handed us our baby.

I smiled, our _baby_. We have a baby, the healer said a son. I felt overjoyed, I have a son! Taking a look at him, a feeling took hold in my heart..it felt..._mushy_. For the first time, our baby opened his eyes and looked straight into mine. Hermione smiled up at me from our son who we named Aiden.

"Let's have another."

My smile faltered. 


End file.
